Saving My Soul.

 

I have a couple gurus in my life. I know, consider my good luck — not just one guru, but two.

Hot damn. Two gurus. You’d think I’d be unstoppable.

Guru 1: Bill. He was totally my dad in another life and I adore him. Not in a weird way — in a oh, you used to be my dad, and you’re so freaking fabulous way. He’s amazing.

Bill’s estate {as I refer to it} is where I spend my summer days lounging poolside and taking B on fabulous trail walks through the property. It’s like vacay, but possibly better, which is saying something.

Bill is always there with perfect, spot on advice. He never worries. He is consistently in a state of joyful appreciation. He’s a total Tolle.

Guru 2: Eugenio. He’s a shoe repairman and has the coolest, neatest shop with old machines. That might be his day time trade, but he is seriously a master at work, which anyone can feel being around his presence. I’ve had some incredibly enlightening and thought provoking conversations there.

I stop by frequently — he’s part of my daily walking route with B {when said daily walking route happens … daily} and because he’s Italiano, it’s perfectly normal for B to come in with me. In fact, he even bought a box of MilkBones just for her. Yeah. She’s spoiled and she knows it.

Yesterday, I dropped off a pair of shoes for him. It had actually been a while since I’d seen him … before Gpa’s death. Probably the longest stretch I haven’t seen him for a good six months now, so he knew something was up.

I assured him, that no, nothing was up. Obviously I was not convincing. And I’m not, because I’m not that great of a fibber. I don’t fake anything well {The BF should be pleased to know this}.

He kept asking, insisting he knew something was going on with me. Know what I did? I would say said, but that doesn’t apply in this circumstance, because I started to cry.

F-ing crying! What the hell.

I’m not a cryer by nature. At all. In fact, it’s only recently that I’ve become comfortable enough to cry in front of other people and be more open with my emotions.

And the only reason for this is because I’ve promised myself to live more authentically. To really be present, with whatever and whomever it is. This isn’t always pleasant, but at least it’s real.

A big step for me is just … being with people. I mean, this is the whole reason behind What You Be and is my challenge to myself everyday … to decide who I am going to Be and be it.

I don’t want to shy or shrink away from that.

So there I was, crying in front of my guru.

For once, I actually didn’t feel embarrassed, which I took as a great sign that I really have grown and made progress — the former Total Taurus would have been mortified for showing such a sign of weakness {though that’s hardly what I would deem as a “weak” act}.

It’s an incredibly freeing thing, you know, this emotional openness. I didn’t apologize for my tears, nor did Eugenio seem the least bit phased. He suggested I eat some candy, kindly shoving it my way, which I happily did.

Really now … what situation doesn’t candy help soothe? I’m sure that’s one of the reasons I came back for it … oh yes, fixes upsetting situations – note to self: beware of over consumption in times of distress.

We talked about Gpa and about life in general … I listened to that reassuring accent, telling me, some days are just days, better or worse than others but all is right in the world, right as it is.

He was certain Gpa is still here, surrounding me. His believe and faith inspired me. He said it with such conviction, as only someone who truly knows can. And how could he not know … he’s a master, in the live and flesh.

To prove this point, his last comment as I left was: But what do I know? I’m just a shoemaker.

Said like a true prophet.

As I turned to leave, a phrase caught my eye, something another customer had made for him.

Everyone needs such a place and such a person to retreat to … where souls and soles are saved … I love two for ones.

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