And a fatty. I’ve just regressed back a good 20 years.

And I remember when I used to hear all those “old” grownups say things like, “27 years ago this very spot was a school, now look at it”. I’d wonder in awe how that could ever be me talking about something from so, so long ago.

Well. That time has now come.

You know how when you’re around certain family members, it happens to coincide with certain triggers and old dynamics? People start acting out in old behaviors that really have nothing to do with the present.

That’s precisely the feeling I had all weekend. Granted, I didn’t allow it to dominate me, nor make me go completely off the deep end — which I consider a huge feat.

It was these little comments, little digs that I felt from my uncle. Maybe that’s being unfair. Maybe that’s just me taking something too personally. But I found it hurting me.

This morning at breakfast, as I poured cream into my coffee, I felt like a small child being scolded. “Gee, why don’t you put some more creamer in there.”

Don’t mind if I do. Was my response.

What does it matter how much, or even, how little creamer I’m using?

It matters because creamer is “fat”. Creamer is “unhealthy”.

My food choices were scrutinized. There were, what I felt, blatant digs at my non running.

It was, in a word, difficult for me.

I wasn’t me, I was 8 year old me. Being told I couldn’t eat something. Or feeling the disapproval for how I looked.

But this was good that this happened. Because I was able to see the situation, and realize that it’s not personal. These are not my issues — it’s something else within the other that is coming out on me.

I love my Uncle, and I know he does not mean to hurt me. So. Instead of being upset, I just tried to love him more. To understand his own lack that comes out in this way towards me, others.

Re-membering that, no one can make me feel less than, despite any words, other than me. I am in complete control. While words can hurt, it doesn’t have to get to that point — I can let it roll right off.

The most important thing is that I’m happy with me.

And I hope you are happy with you.