Maybe this should be #4, but I’m going to go with 3, just to be on the safe side.

So I stop in to see my Gu, and Bailey is nothing short of out of control. Literally. Can barely control her on the lead. By now she’s realized that when we are within one block of his store, this is all the confirmation she needs that treats — massive amounts thereof — are close at hand.

He has one of those huge, jumbo, Costco-esque sized bags of Bacon Bits, or is it Beggin’ Strips, whatever — one of those. He’s very generous with them and then adds in part of a piece of pizza or donut … whatever else happens to be laying around there.

So spoiled. I don’t nearly indulge her in so many treats — especially people food ones, because to keep it real — girl needs to drop a couple pounds.

When I last had her at the vet, she was 7 pounds heavier. Yes, 7! On a dog, that’s a lot. It’s like dog years, they don’t even out the same. I’d guessestimate that 7 dog pounds would be like 20 people pounds on me. Now there’s a terrifying image for you.

I was livid with Brother, because he’s responsible for feeding her people food. I’ve been on a huge crusade to stop it. TC keeps telling me I’m the food Nazi. I keep telling him that it’s not normal to have an overweight dog. Nor healthy. They’re both dog enablers.

Anyway. Somehow Eugenio, in his calmness, gets away with all these treats. I try to stop him each time, but then what can I say when he’s all, “geesh, you need to live a little.”

Right, nothing to say to that, so I close my mouth and then he presents me with treats {good ones, really good ones, like the Lindt truffles} and all reason goes out the window. I mean, if Bailey can have them, then damnit, I can have them, too.

Thou dog shalt not outtreat ye. Should be another Commandment. The 11th one.

After a good 30 minutes of hanging around, i.e. getting in the way and distracting other customers, I decided we should continue onwards.

But not before I was given more great, life affirming advice.

“You’ve gotta remember, even if you don’t think it at first, just remember and tell yourself: you’re the best damn thing that ever happened to the world. You’re the best damn thing walking around here. And you’re the best damn thing that’s happened to anyone whose life you come in contact with. Everyone needs to think this about themselves. Cause guess what happens? You act like you’re the best damn thing, you become it, you live it. You gonna go live that, OKAY.”

The last part wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

Okay. Yes. Over and out. I hear you.  And, I’m off … you know, to go be the best damned thing walking around… you better do the same, OKAY.