Or, at The Range … same thing, right? Close enough.

So me and my big mouth about trying new things? Yeah, I was on that kick with my Guru, too, and happened to mention learning how to shoot a gun.

Guru acts quickly and swiftly. Man does not F around. So I shouldn’t have been surprised when he set up an afternoon for us at the range today, but I was. One for the fact that it was so thoughtful and he’s the best Guru I could ever hope for and second … well, that meant I’d actually have to shoot.

Saying it is one thing, doing, as always, is a whole other.

However. I wasn’t going to shy away from the guns. Sure, I was freaked out and wondered how I’d actually be able to hold a real gun if I can’t even handle taking a damn stun gun out of its case, let alone, having to shoot it.

But this Total Taurus? Can’t exactly back down from things that come out of her rather large, spur of the moment mouth.

So before I knew what was happening, this is what was happening:

Yep. Pictures … they really are worth a thousand words. If not more, because I could easily come up with two thousand from this one.

Before I go off on a target shooting tangent — aren’t my hot pink noise canceling headphones awesome? I’ll readily admit — I was most excited about those.

I think I should begin with attire. Now, Guru didn’t mention a single thing about footwear, or attire. Naturally, I was a bit taken aback when he asked why the hell I was wearing heels.

I countered, wedge heels don’t count. Stilettos would be one thing … but a wedge … I mean, can we even count that as a “heel”? I don’t think so.

Plus! I figured if I was learning how to shoot, I needed to do it in my regular, day to day clothing choices … afterall, this is what I’d be wearing if I ever actually was caught in a shoot off.

That is what they call it, right? Not that I foresee anything like that happening … I’d be the crazy chick running around, madly waving her arms for a cease fire, along with a, “wait, I think I need about ten mins to reload.”

So let me start at the beginning. Where I walk in, and there’s all these big, big boys standing around in hunting gear with cigarettes and shot guns. Dead serious. They looked me up and down and were all, “honey, you in the right place?”.

I think I pissed them off when I asked why they were smoking in what claims to be a smoke free building. Anyway, I soon won them and their cigarettes over when I busted out with some gun jargon {thanks, Google} and with a snap of the fingers, Guru and I were off — in Lane 12, loading up.

Of course, I was scared just watching him load my tiny and super cute might I add, 38 — omg. I kind of sound like I know what I’m talking about. But please, be fooled not.

Guru believes just jumping right in and going for it, so he hands me the gun and is all, “okay, pull the damn trigger.”

What? Just like that? Where was my pep talk? I’m all about the pep talks.

So I utilized the fancy schmancy high tech laser, which real quick – had hysterical warnings about the health and safety of even using {hey, I find the humor in pretty much any and all things} – pointed at the target, and pulled the trigger.

And Lord Jesus. Because I was calling on the Lord at that moment. To not let me drop the gun. To hold on and holy hell — it was loud and I suddenly felt very violent {ah! scared the living shit out of me} and very shaky.

The noise is not what bothered me. That, thanks to the hot pinkness canceling out noise, was easy. It was the constant and incessant boom, boom, booms going off … ones that, sadly, don’t involve the Black Eyed Peas.

That booming literally creates a vibration in your body that you feel and that rocks you to your core … at least it did with me. It will take some time getting used to. I found it extremely difficult to try to concentrate on holding the gun, trying to hit the target, dealing with reverberations.

I’d be right about to shoot, and there would go another 48 in the lane next to me, and I’d jump 17.98 feet and my laser would be pointed on the wall.

So after five rounds, I was done. Enough shooting for the day … and surprisingly, it turns out … I’m not too terrible of an aim.

The highlight of the whole day {minus the hot pink headphones, if they’re even called headphones?} … just being with the Guru, and naturally, getting Guruly advice.

Here’s but one of many great stories from today …

A young man found an old sage, who was known for his many earthly successes. He begged him to tell him his secret to success. One day, the old man, agreed, asking that he follow him to a lake.

As soon as they arrived, the old man dunked the young man’s head in the water, holding it there.

When he finally lifted the young man’s head out of the water, who frantically was gasping for air, the old man asked, “what was it that you wanted more than anything when your head was under water?”.

Laughing, the young man said, “that’s easy: air.”

“When you want success as badly as you wanted air, then you will realize that is all you needed this whole time.”