A very Merry Christmas to all my People!

I have just now finished the post apocalypse cleanup. You know, the epic one, where it took a few hours. I estimated that in glassware alone, I washed a minimum of 40 glasses … everything from wine to water to champagne to apértifs.

Dinner for 14 is no joke and guess what! It went off without a hitch. Smooth sailing it was. From beginning to end.

Starting with a lovely sleep in … I even got a decent walk in with B, despite the frigid temps and a good 45 minutes of yoga. I felt like I needed literally two hours, but was running short on time.

Because, to keep it real, People, which is a promise I’ve made to myself which somehow inevitably includes you … I’ve kinda had a rough day.

Sometimes. This Christmas shit … it’s just too much. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t refer to it as “shit” – don’t take that personally. It’s more me and my shit.

Holidays, especially these holidays are so good at doing that. Bringing all this crap up. Ranging the gamut of family shit to just bull shit in general. Yeah. Somehow, in some way — and what way is it, anyway? — this time of year gets me.

Some of it feels 10000000% justified but mostly it just feels ridiculous and I am left wondering, what am I really upset about here? What’s really going on, self?

I haven’t heard what Higher Self has to say yet about this, because I also haven’t given two shits what Higher Self has to say. Yes, I have a bit of some ‘tude going on.

I had a horrible argument with TC this morning that has stayed with me all day. I found myself fighting back tears and the urge to flip out our entire dinner.

The whole day I haven’t really felt all that Christmasey and then in admitting that, felt horrible guilty. But that’s okay. I am human.

I know these moments and times are going to hit me just like anyone else and I’ll put on my best face and just try to be as self aware as possible, knowing, this shall pass.

And it’s a good practice. To change my focus. To turn my attention to something else. So I think to myself, what is it I do like and am enjoying about right now.

Not the “now” that is making me upset which isn’t actually a part of my current reality. And I came up with so many things, People.

I thought … how lucky and wonderful to have so many people together at one table that I love.

What a downright divine meal. Ah. The glorious food.

The filet mignon, the mashed potatoes smothered with Boursin cheese. My favorite – broccoli casserole. Croissants. It was never ending. One delicious thing after another after another.

And the vino, lest I forget that. We know I’m not a big drinker, but I will not pass up Veuve and Mumm champagne and Pouilly Fumé. It took me right back to France.

Our beautiful table and tree and gifts.

This Christmas. Because we don’t know if there will be another. We count on it, but how can we know?

I hope you all have had your own kind of wonderful today … in some way, big or small. Joyeux Noel.