Some Things.

I’ve been trying to mentally catalogue things these past few days. And yes, I much prefer the British spelling. It even looks so much more … more … sophisticated.

Those Brits. I swear, one of them could cuss me out and rip me to shreds and I’d probably think it was the most lovely thing I’d heard in years. Accents. They get one so far.

So by “things”, what I really mean is: moments. The present, broken up into these moment vignettes, that become our memories.

Now that I’m convinced time is in super stealth quick mode, I am attempting to enjoy, as much as I can, these family times. Even the ones that challenge me and leave me wanting to flip out and cry in frustration.

Because I know, or am at least pretty damn sure {okay, as sure as I can be right now}, that when I’m 40 and 50 and 60 and 70 and 80 and 90 … I will look back at all of this with fondness, maybe a little longing, too.

At least this is what Guru tells me, along with “stop worrying” , “just be happy” and all his other fantastic one liners. Guru always knows best. Maybe that’s what else has been missing these past few days — Guru.

This is the longest, except this summer in Paris, that I haven’t seen him. And it’s only been five days, that feel more like five weeks. Sometimes, that’s good though … it reminds me how much he brings to my life, how much I count on him.

As for today …

Maman and I ended up at our fave place — The J.

Target. What is it about that place that fills me with such comfort and security? It totally does. I walk in there and it’s like the whole place supports my every move and thought.

I seriously feel brighter there, People. And Maman and I … we can’t get enough of it. I think we covered every square inch of that place. It was fabulous.

And relaxing. I didn’t even have to think. I tried, but it was too much. I realized while we were there, that this past week has compounded and finally gotten me.

This hit me when I saw Men’s house slippers and remembered that I’ve been meaning to get The BF a new pair. So Maman asks me what size and suddenly. I had no idea. I couldn’t remember. Is he a 10 or an 11? Or, shit, maybe a 12? It just felt too much to even try to comprehend or sort out.

Strange, isn’t it. How things like house slippers do that to us. To me. I say us so I feel better about myself and not as loco. Thanks for letting me use you like that. So kind of you.

After the house slippers, I knew what I really needed was a new lipstick. See. In moments of confusion and stress and general “I can’t f-ing think or figure any damn thing out”, I opt for things like lipsticks.

Low cost, immediate use and it adds to the brightness factor. That’s one hell of a return right there.

Revlon did not let me down, either. I opened it up right away, much to Maman’s dismay and put it on. Along with a sweater I was thinking of a buying. A men’s sweater. I wore it while walking around the entire time.

Again, Maman thought I was totally out there and worried they might think I was actually trying to shoplift, but I wasn’t the least bit concerned. And, I am out there.

In case you’re wondering, I didn’t end up purchasing. Given that it was a Men’s, I knew I’d only enjoy the extra chunkiness for so long {i.e. winter} till I wondered what the hell I was thinking when I got it {i.e. come spring}.

And now, the heaviness is starting to set in … the imminent Maman departure. How quickly these days go … these holidays … becoming yet another memory.

Filed away. Waiting for more … that’s the thing, there’s always more. I need not be sad when I know there’s so much ahead to look forward to … always, People. Right?

 

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