If I didn’t feel like shit 99% of the time, I would have no idea I’m preg.

So in many ways, I’m still very lucky. It’s just that gosh darn chronic fatigue syndrome and food aversions — though I’m thrilled I still can’t stand the sight and smell of anything sweet. I gotta say, I had visions of me stuffing my face non stop with twix when I found out about this baby.

Instead I’m all over things like kale and celery and soy beans. I’m taking on the damn greens like it’s my job. Well, I guess it is right now.

In all honesty, half the time, given that I’m now used to feeling perpetually exhausted, I forget about this baby. I can’t feel anything yet, minus every now and then intense sharp pains where she is on the lower left side {sitting pretty damn low, too — would it be too much to ask her to move up a bit so my organs can have a break?!}.

Life continues as it has, with my typical routines, minus extended and frequent naps now and I just simply … forget. Until all of a sudden, in the most mundane of things I’ll be in the middle of, it hits me — this baby! And I just want to freak the F out. And I say things aloud, like, JESUS I AM HAVING A BABY! A CHILD! A REAL ONE! WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?

Which brings me to the question at hand — just what am I going to do? Me with a baby?! People, I still can’t picture it. I can’t even imagine it. I just keep hoping I’ll have really great interventions all the time by My People who will {hopefully please please pleeeeease} love this little babe as much as I do.

As you can tell … still trying to process and make peace that I am going to be a Mother. Aren’t Mamas supposed to know everything, or just about everything?

I better get on it, because there’s so many things I just plain don’t know. Send knowledge. In serious need.