How come this time of year always seems a big rush … of some sort?

A rush to get somewhere or get something or meet someone … there’s always a lot of hustle and bustle. And I don’t want that to sound complainy, because this rush of mine usually surrounds my family, and I am so thankful I get to have and be around them … I guess … it’s just a lot for preggo moi who craves slow and down time.

With Maman here I have to make sure I soak in every minute and I feel guilty when I’m not with her. This year is also different in that I now have another family, The BF’s.

They’ve felt like family for quite some time but now it’s official and it just feels different to me and I am trying to be delicately aware of balancing both of our families and not having mine take front and center {even when I want it to}.

The only times I’ve been home have been to sleep. I’m constantly carrying things back and forth and the other night, after I got out of the shower, was cursing up a storm because I had left the hairdryer at TC’s. Anyone else never have time to shower on actual Christmas Day? Really, who has time for that?

The result of The Rush of the past week is me now wanting to freak out. I’ve had laundry sitting for over a week that needs to be done. My house is a mess. We know how much that gets to me.

It has me feeling out of sorts and out of control! Not to mention, all I keep hearing in my head is a constant timer ticking of Baby FOH. People, we’re at T-minus 17 weeks here. Did you hear THAT? I SAID 17.

I feel something like this: *&#@*($&#@*($&@*($&@*($&@*(&)))!~!~!~!~~!!!

You know, something that doesn’t make any sense and has me saying F as every other GD word. How the hell is it possible I have a mere 17 weeks before I have a REAL baby to care for?

It sends me into panic mode. Which my hypnobirthing book says I need to re-do the fear clearing session. Damn right I need a re-do on fear clearing. I need about 17 of ’em.

I keep asking Maman if I’m going to be okay and she looks at me very oddly and laughs. Laughs! Like it’s a weird UNNATURAL kind of question to ask. She says she never felt like this preg with us. I tried to call her bluff and figured she had to be bullshitting me. But, no, TC confirmed — she was thrilled every day during her three pregnancies.

Why can’t I be like that? Why do I feel like the alien whose already trying to calculate college funds and power of attorney? Yeah, The BF said a, what? in response to the power of attorney, but these are the things I now have to think about!

Is it time for long deep breathing and fear clearing? I believe it is. What’s really going on here is … the unknown. The damn unknown! Which only gets me as a result of The Rush.

This is where I’m supposed to be embrace and be calm. I’m totally not these things {at this red hot minute} but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to try my damnedest …

Let me keep you posted. And in the meantime, if you, too, are feeling The Rush. Just stop. Give yourself a few minutes or an hour. It will help.