Getting Holy.

I’m not sure if Holy is something one gets, now that I’m thinking about it. Nevermind. You know what I mean.

Last night I got the Holy on. I was beginning to feel like I hadn’t been making that personal connection time for me and God. Between my hour + of Hypnobabies work each day and yoga and my mantra meditation … I decided some things needed to go. I was feeling overwhelmed by all these every single damn day things I had committed to doing.

I think it’s hilarious that of all things/People to put on the back burner, I decided God should be one of them. Hasn’t been the brightest of my decisions. Not that God minds, at least I don’t think She does. But I mind. Because I feel the disconnection. It doesn’t help, it hurts me. Any form of greater disconnection does.

Having decided that tonight would be the night, I busted out the candles and my Buddha, Krisha, I think a Shiva {I get the Hindu Gods so confused — there’s too damn many with too damn many arms and heads and whatnot} and my Jesus statue. Candles always help me feel more God legit. Like I’m really getting serious about prayer and holiness.

I sat, surrounded by dancing, flickering flames. Quite uncomfortably at first. Let me make that very uncomfortably. Two minutes that felt like tortured hours. That restlessness rising up in me, wanting more than anything to get up and leave. I know enough to realize the wanting to leave is getting close to the good stuff happening.

Good stuff being communion.  I don’t know why Communion in Church involves breaking bread and grape juice. Well, I do know but to me, it always seemed to overshadow our own inner communion with God. Isn’t that what we’re working on and going to church for anyway? That great connection to the All-That-Is?

I think Communion should go something like this: keep the bread and juice if you will, but then have real communion time. Time just for you and God to be. I know there’s prayer happening during Communion, but it doesn’t feel all that conducive to a prayery kind of environment.

My Communion time left me reenergized and loved. That’s it. It’s love. I’m not alone. We’re all in this together and God, He’s on my side. I felt an overwhelming power of well being wash over me … of dare I say, trust.

Turning it over, People. I’m turning it over and allowing God … and me.

 

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