ONE Week.

People.

It has been ONE full week of not showing up and being here. ONE WEEK. Did you HEAR THAT?

I’m sure you can’t tell I’ve been counting or anything.

This is new territory, new unchatered waters for me here. This is called, slowing the F DOWN. I’m trying really hard to master this. I’ve successfully mastered this in certain areas of my life — like social gatherings — but I haven’t when it comes to my compulsions of working out, yoga, and here.

I’m so driven to produce everyday in these areas and have been terrified of the time when I don’t. Will that mean I stop completely? I’ve been afraid of that happening. Deeply afraid.

Because, you see, I tend to be an all or nothing kind of Total Taurus. But having FOH here now means I’m not always going to have every GD damn day, nor do I want to miss the important moments in my son’s life because I have to get my yoga in or write.

These are important aspects to my life — they are my lifeline to myself and they make me feel alive. Some really wise famous writer, whose name escapes me write now, said that we should do the things that make us feel alive.

Now that I’m a mother, this is even more critical for me. This whole making time and making sure I get in and do the things that I love to do.

But now comes the balance I must strike. It’s coming slowly. Very slowly but I am learning. Which means eventually I will get “There”.

Being at Douglas Lake, without internet connection in the house, has been such a gift. I have been forced to not do. To not check Google News for the umpteenth time for no good reason and all the other websites I, for the most part, aimlessly browse. This is also the reason I didn’t even know our beloved Maya Angelou had passed on.

And now, back to the balance. I am at the Pellston {Regional} Airport and FOH is sitting in his carseat, next to the fireplace, staring at the fire. Don’t worry, there’s no potential for harm. There are, however, plenty of stupefied stares from random strangers that I’m about 15 feet from my unattended baby.

Mothering at its best, People. Go Enjoy.

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