The Shift.

I knew, at some point, in the not too distant far off future, The Shift would happen.

The one where FoH no longer looked to me, but to The BF.

I kept telling myself, this would be a good thing. A welcome change. All those months of putting in my dues, I was saying how much I was looking forward to that day.

Except the day came and now, I don’t know what to make of it. It’s left me scrambling and grasping for pieces … we are, redefining our relationship.

In the few short-long days I was gone, everything shifted. Looking at it after the fact, I see that I should not be surprised … I left. FoH had to have someone as his new-found steady, i.e. The BF.

New routines were established. New roles were carved out.

I returned Home, ready to pick up where we had left off, yet am now still trying to figure out how I fit into this fresh landscape of toddlerhood.

It’s strange. And honestly, a little sad.

Five days. Everything changed. FoH being the biggest change … how much more grown up he is … how much more a kid. How little remains of anything baby about him.

I am, of course, still mama … but  now mama without the constant need of comforting arms around him. I am celebrating this independence victory of his, truly I am.

But a Mother can still feel a wistful longing for what was with her baby.

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