People. I’m doubting myself right now.

Questioning this cat involvement. Cursing myself. Kinda sorta wanting to take it all back.

Rewind. To the part where I actually listen to Brother and keep moving my ass forward. Except we all know even if there was a rewind button, I’d still stop.

I’ll stop every GD time. I need to accept this about myself and quit with the self doubt.

But please allow me some lines of self doubt. I need it. Because I’m feeling like I’m in too deep with no turning back. I am overwhelmed and I do not know what the next best course of action is.

Just when I think I’ve formulated some kind of plan, the plan is thwarted. Today’s thwarting, in addition to The Universe deciding there would be no bronzing with friends as the skies suddenly turned black, three more kittens were found.

As in brand new baby baby kittens. Still with their umbilical cords. I found myself at Petsmart, shocked that kitten formula is just as expensive as baby formula, and I wanted to cry.

I had that utter defeatist moment. Where I started wondering how I’ll be able to do this? How to find this many homes? How to go about caring for all of them in the meantime? How to start trapping the mamas and getting them fixed?

How. How. How. How. How?!

I f-ing hate how’s. They have never brought me anything but heartache and turmoil. They are the fastest producing machines of self doubt.

The second I start questioning the how, I feel paralyzed with an inability to think clearly and see a solution. Which is where I’m at right now.

And honestly, People, I get overwhelmed emotionally. I think of these kitties, and then all the animals on our entire planet that are in need of help and I just want to collapse in frustration, anger and sadness.

I want to help, I want to make a difference, I want to save them all. When I know damn well that not every living being can be, nor wants to be, saved.

I know I just need to do my best, give what I can and do The Next Right Thing. I have to keep believing that The Universe has a reason for all these damn cats coming into my life.

Keep it simple. Don’t think too far ahead. If I can stay centered and continue to ask myself, self what is the next right thing to do, I will know what the next course of action is.

And I have to remember, that things are working out, in their own way that I still don’t yet understand or can even comprehend. But they are.

There have been successes. Homes have been found and the other day, as I was returning from feeding them, I said hi to some people sitting out on their porch.

Something in me made me turn around, walk over and say, by any chance do you want a kitten?

I was floored that the response was, why yes I do honey, I was just telling my son I think a kitten will help me heal. Is there an orange and white one?

Yes, there was an orange and white one. What were the chances?! It was like this woman knew. That she had put her kitten request out to The Universe and The Universe was delivering.

She asked me how quickly I could go get it and I told her she’d have him in 10 minutes. When she said, oh good and I already have a name for him – he will be Tom, I was almost stunned into silence.

Tom is one of my {other worldly} People. One of my guides, an angel of sorts. I’ve written about him before, and if I had any idea how to properly use WordPress and link up to other posts I would but we also know I’m just not that high tech.

Of all the names and possibilities, she chose Tom. The Universe has quite a sense of humor. As does Tom. Letting me know, they’re there. They’re helping, too. It is working out.

These are the messages that I need to hold onto when I start to feel down and things are becoming too much.

I will take care and do the right thing and I can do it. It might not be the easiest thing, but I doubt Buddha and Ghandi thought all the shit they did was easy. Oh, hell, maybe they did because, ahem, they were Buddha and Ghandi. But let’s just pretend they didn’t.

Let’s all take care. Whenever we can. Join me in the movement. Yes, there is going to be a movement. I’ve decided it’s time.

Like everything, I don’t know how I’m going to do it {GD how showing up again}, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is beginning.

We can all start somewhere. We already are.