Maman left. I gave myself one hour to cry and feel sorry for myself.

I even set a timer. I could tell this departure might take me more like a few hours or days to get over, and when that happens, it’s best to have a time limit.

I also suggest playing some rap and/or hip hop. It’s hard to stay sad when you’re listening to FloRida.

I’m not quite sure where this breakdown came from. I think it’s just being preg. Hormones!

It’s another very strange thing I’ve found. I’ll be feeling perfectly fine and then suddenly some commercial will have me in tears. Those SPCA commercials with the Sarah McLachlan song playing, what is that — In The Arms of Angels I think? — sends me completely over the edge.

This evening, as Maman was getting ready to leave {which was really quite terrible timing}, she gave me my baby book and I just lost it. Maybe it’s because I’m feeling really vulnerable and that I need my mama.

I’m not sure how to do this Motherhood Thing without her here and the thought of that is really overwhelming, so I try not to think about it but how can I not think about it when she gives me something like my own damn baby book?

While I’m already well aware of the above and openly acknowledge them, this breakdown was something else, something deeper. I have yet to put my finger on. I literally bawled hysterically, had trouble taking breaths and kept asking her not to leave. I swear, it was like I had suddenly reverted to being 6 years old.

I’m still feeling a little on the edge … that at any moment I could be set off on another crying spree. Precisely why I’ll go do yoga. Yoga will help. I’ve got to pull it together!

I’ve got someone now whose going to be depending on me to actually be together and while I’m not really sure how that is going to happen, I am sure yoga will help.

Long deep breathing, too, and Tolle. Present moment! Yoga, breath and present moment!