It’s been close to a week {yet another one} where I’ve found I just don’t have it in me to show up here.

I haven’t even been on the interwebs {iphone doesn’t count!} in four days. People. That’s four straight days of not even turning on my laptop.

It’s a damn good thing iphones exist. At least I can still relatively quickly respond to emails and look up things here and there. Not that I really feel like doing any of those but the point is — the option is there and very handy, if I need it.

Throughout this almost past week I’ve thought of many many things to say. Funny things, sad things, random everyday life kind of things but I can’t remember any of them. They come and then go even faster than they arrived in my head.

I’m still trying to find my balance, my place in what is now Motherhood, and what all that means. I think I’ll probably always be trying to figure out what Motherhood is. I hope so. Because the second I reach that point where I think I know, I’ll be scared. That will mean there is nothing else further to learn and there is always a ton of shit to continue learning and growing from.

I want to be a lifelong active questioner of life.

I keep thinking I should be in bed right now. FOH went down about an hour ago after I fed him. But I want this time, no, I need this time for myself. To shower {that was three days ago}, to write a few words that truthfully seem a little pointless, but are still important to me.

Now that I have FOH, I’m truly noticing how long and how short a day can be. Sometimes both together. Like yesterday. We hit up the zoo in the morning and by the time we got home at 3, it felt that I had lived at least a couple mornings and afternoons.

Funny how it can all be so painstakingly slow and yet too fast. I suppose this is just another of life’s dichtomies at work. It’s never either or. It’s eithor. The yin can’t exist without the yang.