There are days with FOH that feel never never ending.

I constantly hear how quickly this time goes and to treasure these baby filled moments. And yes, the last eight months have flown by. But I still cringe when I’m told how, precious and wonderful babyhood is.

And yes, again, it is these things. As well as a hell of a lot more that People either don’t tell you, aren’t honest about or just gloss over — or all three.

It is hard and long and it plain will suck the life out of you — literally.

Higher Self tells me all the time that this baby will be but a blink of the eye, and then he will suddenly be in school. He won’t want or need me. And as much as I want to believe it just simply won’t be possible because I’m just so damn cool, he will be embarrassed by me. So hold on, Higher Self says.

Hold on as much as you can and during those never never never f-ing ending days, know that it will end. A new day will come. That’s a guarantee. Find a way to hold on and hold steady.

Tonight, after I fed FOH, I could tell he needed more quiet time. So I held him. We rocked. I breathed him in. I inhaled that intoxicating baby smell he still has.

He feel asleep in my arms, head resting on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, my head touching his and it was perfect. I’m chalking it up to one of Life’s Perfect Moments.

Where I was complete. I was fully present. There was nothing more to want, to ask for. I held on. I wanted all the old ladies who have told me to treasure this time to appear so I could tell them, see! Look! I am TREASURING!

It took tonight to finally understand those women. All those treasure happy People. This is what they meant. I get it now. Because one of this cancels out the exhaustion and the never never ending.