I’m feeling sad today, People.

Which is just simply, not me.

No, I’m not always 100% bubbling over with joy, but as I’ve said before, my moods and emotions run even.

I’m a steady kinda Taurus. When moments of sadness befall me, they are shortlived. I am extremely thankful for this.

But today. Today, has been a bit of a … situation. The sadness has lingered.

At times, it has felt literally crushing. No, really, People … as though someone is physically pushing down on my chest.

It’s engulfed me.

I kept myself busy enough-ish this morning to brush away this feeling. The BF left early with FOH for breakfast with his family and I was scrambling around to get as much done as quickly as possible before I was on duty for the afternoon shift.

I knew I didn’t want to be alone with FOH, so I had The BF drop him off at TC’s, where I knew I could convince Brother to entertain my child.

It’s really great when you have someone who willingly wants to entertain your kid. Yeah, pretty damn priceless if you ask me.

When these sorts of emotional states come on, I don’t shy away from them — I shout them outloud and proud to anyone who will listen.

I have to — for my own sanity. And, for my own stability.

I want to know and be reminded of two things: 1. I am not alone. I am not an island of sadness. Instead, it’s more like I’m floating in a sea of survivors.  2. Everyone else feels this way, at some point, too.

It’s important that we all know this. Because then we’ll all feel a little less alone, a little less islander, a little more mainlander.

Brother and I talked about how it’s hard to just sit and be with such strong sentiments of sadness. How uncomfortable. Especially when I couldn’t even pinpoint the why.

That’s something else I’ve come to accept with sadness — sometimes there is no why, nor does there have to be. And that’s okay, too.

Today was a day. It was beautiful. Because it was real. And I didn’t run away from what I was feeling. And I spent a heck of a long time staring at FOH for healing.

Watching him. Observing him. His squeals and shrieks and exclamations of laughter. His nonsensical chitter chatter that is so damn cute. His sparkle in his eyes.

Really, People. They sparkle.

I wondered how it’s possible for someone so small to be able to contain so much joy.

I want to bottle that joy up. So the next time one of these moments of sadness surrounds me, I can drink it all in. Or more like pound it down, shot style.

Or. Just keep staring at FOH. Yeah, that one.