I had told Maman, prior to Paris becoming a reality, how important this trip was for me; for us.

Of course, all of our trips are important and equally wonderful. I have no favorites. The best and most important part is the time with Maman. These adventures that become such precious memories.

I had said that a year from now, my life could very well be completely different — who knew, I could be married, or about to be and dare I say it — maybe even el preggo {yikes!}.

Little did I know just how prophetic my words would become, because now here I sit, newly engaged. Which, I’m still trying to digest and let sink in. These sorts of things, take time for me. The big things.

I roll with it and don’t get me wrong — am very excited and thrilled — but I need time to, well, think it over. Just as I said — digest it all.

We all have our own ideas of what and how things should be or feel. I guess I thought I would feel and be different when I got engaged. In the sense, maybe, that I should.

But I don’t. I’m still me. The BF is still The BF. I’m sure I’ll always refer to him as The BF. I like the title. Nothing all that much has really changed.

I guess, I’m trying to redefine me now as someone who is about to become a wife.

And it scares me, truth be told. Not of being a good one, I know I’ll rock it out and believe wholeheartedly in the solidity of our relationship … it’s just these ideas of what it means that I am trying to come to terms with.

You know what I’m saying?

I didn’t even realize till this happened, till the ring was slipped on my finger, all the ideas and preconceived notions I had been carrying with me.

And I’m trying to sort it out and figure it out.

In a sense, not much changes. I am still me — this I know and will hold on to, yet me does inevitably become, “we”.

Today while walking Rue des Fleurs, I passed a wedding boutique. I stood, staring at the window of gorgeous white dresses, thinking, this will be me. ME. As though I could hardly believe it.

It’s strange in a way, that we go through the beginning of our lives as us, but most of the population then spends their lives sharing a name with another, stories and days intertwined.

I am changing. This is good, this change and this natural progression … but, I am a Taurus, we are slow with change of any sort. That’s what I mean when I say “sink in” … I just need some time with it. And that doesn’t make it any less wonderful and amazing.

When The BF proposed, which for the record, completely shocked the hell out of me and took me by surprise, do you want to know what my first words were?

Guess.

Okay. I’ll give you a hint. Three words.

If “what the fuck” came to mind, then you’re right. Yes, can you believe girls — I get proposed to, told how much I’m loved and all sorts of fabulousness, and all I can think of to say is : What THE Fuck.

Really, I promise I meant that in a good way. I was just so … surprised.

Now I’m also trying to take the time while I’m here to figure out what I want. In terms of weddings. Or not.

Because, honestly, I’m not a wedding type of girl. Not one little bit. I never once, during childhood, talked or thought about a wedding. I never married Barbie and Ken in some elaborate ceremony.

It’s not something that has ever been all that high on my priority list. In actuality, the whole idea of it stresses me out. Having to choose flowers and food and music and a theme and colors and a cake and … I must stop there. Just that little bit is already overwhelming me.

And to be completely frank — I’d rather have some extra Benjamin’s to throw down on what will be our home. Once again, Taurus practicality at its finest.

But then, I feel torn. Yes, a ceremony of some sort would be nice. To gather our families and close friends and have everyone together. And score some awesome gifts {whoever doesn’t say a great perk of getting married are presents is lying}.

Yet. What the hell to do for it? How to pull it all together? I don’t enjoy event planning. Not one little bit. I just don’t know.

The idea of eloping is way more my speed.

I suppose we’ll just have to see how this one plays out. Dudes. See, just when you thought I was over my dude phase. It’s right back in yo face.

I guess the thing is this : I don’t want a wedding to get to be too much for me where I forget why I’m even doing it in the first place. I’ve been in and been to some wild weddings that were high pressured, and high class. And then I’ve been to some that were at the complete opposite end of the spectrum.

Like anything, I know I can make it out to be whatever I want it to be … it’s just having a clear idea and vision of what that is.

In the meantime, I am going to take full advantage of each and every day here with Maman. Knowing this will most likely be our last trip before I become a married woman {holy shit!}. There’s a crazy thought.

And hell, since I am in the fashion capitol of z world, I might as well try on a dress or two. Why not, right? Perhaps I just might be a Bridezilla after all.

I’m trying to picture me flipping out on my girls about dresses or toe nail polish … the mere thought has me laughing hysterically right now. Way too laid back for that kind of b.s. Or so I think …