Has something planetary been up this week … is Mercury retrograde or Jupiter in some unusual house placement in Taurus? Because I’ve been feeling some vibes this week. That have me slammed.

So tonight, with The BF and Brother off getting their drum on {they play in a group, which is really really good and which I sometimes make a really really brief cameo appearance in}, I had a nice, low key Friday evening.

Honestly though, my weekends are typically low key. Heck, I live for low key.

My favorite kind of weekend? One where not one damn thing is going on. I have no place to be, nothing to do. It thrills me. I bask in the nothingness. Those of you who have jam packed weekends, full of activities and parties and social events — I applaud you. I am in awe of you. Because it’s not my thing.

Sometimes I wish it was, and I could be that person. But I’m not that person.

My night tonight, with friends, movie watching … talking, catching up … fabulous. And here it is, 11, at home.

Who would believe I used to dance on top of tables? Because that was just so freaking cool to do at 2 a.m. when drunk at high end D.C. bars like Eighteenth Street Lounge, or one of my old time faves – MCCXXIII.

Anyway.

As I was driving home, I found myself, without even realizing it, driving towards Gpa’s.

I pulled into the driveway and just sat there. Windows rolled down. Listening to the crickets and those last insect fading sounds of summer. I stared at the house. Wishing and wanting to go back … not even that far … just a year.

What’s a year?

Couldn’t I just quick hit reverse and be standing in this exact spot with him?

An empty house is a strange thing. Lifeless and cold. That’s how it strikes me.

I was thinking this evening, that it was Gpa who I was missing so much … that aching and yearning … but I realized … it’s a part of me I’m mourning more than it is him.

Does that make sense? It’s me who must accept the before, the here and the after. And I guess, I’m still trying to do that. I think I probably always will be and I think that’s good … I don’t want to ever get to a point where I feel I’ve got it all figured out nor mastered.

Or that I have all the answers.

That’s what I have you for, right?