Gpa is still a part of our regular walking route … it’s a continual pull I feel to go by. Some days are easier than others.

Funny how that works, isn’t it … how there will be those times when you feel perfectly fine and put together, that nothing is different … and then …

There are moments like yesterday … where it just seemed so incredibly wrong that no one was there to open the door … that Brother actually had to tell me yesterday to stop ringing the doorbell.

But I couldn’t.

I pushed and pushed. As though somehow that would bring him back … us back.

I know I can’t live in reverse. There is only forward to go but sometimes … it’s all I want. I crave it … I need those few minutes were I can just sit on the front stoop, taking a step back in time.

Brother let me have my moment, while he walked around inspecting all the leaves that would need to be picked up.

When he gently suggested we be on our own way, I was utterly dumbfounded to walk by these roses.

Roses. In November. Roses that I have never, not once, not all these years, seen bloom in this spot at this time.

In the midst of everything else, falling down upon us … leaves and wilted flowers and just that general grayness that begins to set in, darkening all outdoor spaces … here, three beautiful, bright and blooming roses. Three to represent me, and the brothers.

I know this is Gpa’s handy work. His way of telling me that he’s still here … and most importantly, beauty — unexpected beauty — is here.

Even in cold temps and gray days.