Don’t you just love when tea puts you in check? Up until ten mins ago, I didn’t even know tea was capable of putting one in check.

It is, People. It totally is. Let this be proof positive.

Staying true to my whole, “keeping it real” and just plain being real … Peeps, I was ready to lose it this afternoon.

I do believe I say that a little more than I like to openly admit, but whateves … the price of keeping it real, right?

Plus, I didn’t lose it, so that has to count for something in my favor. I’m assuming.

This is the situation : the house, or shall I say, our {omfg — our!!!!} house, now that it’s empty is nothing that I once thought it was.

Now.

I’m sure this is probably normal. This is what happens when people move out and leave gaping holes in the walls where shelving units used to be. Am I correct in this?

This is also what happens when people haven’t cleaned in a couple months because shit has been so crazy on the homefront and then packing to getting all the other shit eady to move out happens and it looks like the kind of place where you couldn’t pay me to eat … well, anything, off the hardwood floors.

Adding to this is the general gray-blahness that is winter. Tell me what winter makes look good? I’d really like to know, because the whole street seems depressing to me.

Then I erred on the side of family. Of actually listening to my family. Why, oh why did I do this when I know better? Of allowing them in the home to see it.

Did I really need to let my Uncle view the new digs and then give his 17 cents, and then have  TC flipping out — which, he was acting like a three year old and damn! I thought I was picky. I know who I get that from.

He just started pointing out every little thing wrong and you know how once you start pointing out all the tiny things, they instantly mulitply by like a bazillion and suddenly all I could see were knicks and every piece of woodwork that needs to be sanded and repainted and windows that need touching up and more paint to be had and …

Yes, People. It was just too much. Here I was so excited and all that excitement? I must have looked just like one of those big ‘ol helium balloons that starts out so strong, you can’t even imagine it becoming nothing, and slowly, you start to let the air out and it gets smaller and smaller … that was me.

I should have known better than to let anyone else and their opinion get in my head. But I did. Because I can’t help it, I’m human and I like to think that family at least has my back but really what they have is their own back with their opinions that have nothing — absolutely nothing — to do with me.

This is still a hard pill I am trying to accept and swallow. Right now it’s still lodged in the back of my throat, with me trying to chug as much water as I can to get it to go down. Remember that … the whole learning how to swallow a pill?

That’s exactly what this feels like.

When it’s not about anyone else and what they think. This is about me. Okay, and The BF, I should allow him to have a say in these home matters. Though really he’s so good about just letting me run this show and tell him what to do, or what I think we need to do. Best. BF. Ever. He’s a smart one. Learns quick.

I know what I like, someone else might hate and vice versa. We all come with our own unique takes on things. Houses included.

What it comes down to is this : yes, there is so much f-ing more than I ever f-ing even imagined to be done. No doubt about that.

And no, it’s not going to get done immediately like I wish it would … but it will happen and this house of mine. I love it.

I love the old hardwood floors. I love the laundry shoots. I love all the windows and the great natural lighting. I love that the original, non gas fireplace is there.

Most of all, I love that I am going to claim it, make it ours.

And I’ll be GD! I’m going to try my absolute damnedest, and that’s gonna be a hard one, People, to savor it. All of it. The hours of painting I have ahead of me, the cleaning, the finding of just that right something something for some corner.

Come hell or high water, I’m going to swallow the damn savor pill.