This whole life mastery business is a lot of GD work, at times.

It is something I literally have to practice everyday and I wonder if there will come a time when I won’t have to? Which then I guess I’d be my own special bad ass mastery self at that point. The thought of that honestly kinda sorta {okay, does} scare me. I’m not really looking for followers of any sort. I’m much more a behind the scenes gal, but, in the sake of love and beingness, I guess I’d do it.

I imagine, or at least like to imagine, that Jesus and Buddha and all the other self enlightened People had a struggle with this, too. That being human was just as big of a challenge for them at times, too.

I also like to further imagine they got really pissed off from time and time and thought many a thought of, F YOU and your mom. Of course, they promptly then would have self directed and corrected, but felt just a little teeny tiny bit better about their f-ing.

It’s nice when you have a master to follow who has f-d some shit up in his time. I think it lends the whole “master” concept some street cred. Personally, I’d rather be on the ship with someone who hasn’t always been all that stellar. Not only does it make me feel better about myself, but it’s inspiring.

I think you’d agree with me, too. A decent amount of you. Isn’t this why we love the underdog? Why we love the success stories of our fellow People who drastically turn their lives around?

We are able to see what we are capable of in another. We are always showing each other The Way so that we know The Way is not only possible, but real.

Every now and then {I wish it was happening a bit more frequently, but all in due time, I suppose}, I have the moment of clarity.

Sometimes it lasts an entire afternoon or evening {certainly not ever in the morning, I’m still trying to wake up without more than my one allotted cup of coffee}. Most times it’s an hour, 20 minutes, 10 minutes … little snippets. Where I am filled with an absolute unshakeable certainty, all is well, all is right as it should be, all is working out perfectly.

I get it. I feel it completely. Then it seems to disappear and I’m chasing after it again. Trying to get it back.

Last night, I was going down the mental chatter path of made upness: wedding things, home things, animal things and just thing things. I decided I was going to go to bed. I figured part of my mental consumption was due to two nights of lack luster sleep.

Except it’s hard to give way to sleep when you’re in beautiful locales. Sleep or staying up a little later to watch a breath taking sunset? Like that’s a hard choice.

Sunset and water it was. I sat, uncomfortably at first — feeling like a prisoner to mind hijacking control. Brother suggested I start breathing. Of course, duh!

It still amazes me that it only takes about five long deep breaths to start calming my mind and body down. I inhaled thinking, sat and exhaled thinking, nam.

The truth within. A sound/mantra we meditate on in yoga.

Sometimes it scares me — this truth within. I’m afraid of what my truth will be, as though Truth is all that scary of a thing once it’s felt and faced.

Last night I was there. Sat Nam-ing myself and being present with Douglas Lake. The slight breeze across the water and my cheeks; the sound of the lake waves coming ashore.

There was “there” for maybe 8 minutes until I wasn’t “there”. But it’s okay. I’m not beating myself up about it. There is like the tide. Coming and going.

I don’t have to constantly be in some blissful, appreciative there state. Just moment by moment. There to not there. A question of, what you be.