I really don’t know what the hell kinda mean joke The Universe has decided to play on me, but it’s not cool.

Just not f-ing cool, People.

Fourth of July, post hike and after dinner, Brother cut us some pineapple for dessert. First of all, I’m used to flag desserts with ridiculous amounts of cool whip on them for July 4th desserts. Pineapple?! What a disappointment, but, it made me feel all healthy and good about myself.

I convinced self that, omg, self! Self, pineapple is way better than flag cake or chocolate cake or any cake for that matter. You’re going to f-ing love this pineapple!

Don’t get me wrong — I really do love pineapple. It’s just … flag cake, dammit! If it hadn’t been the fourth then I wouldn’t have had visions of berries and sponge cake AND cool whip dancing in my head.

So I downed piece after piece of that pineapple. Only about 30% disappointed at the end that it wasn’t flag cake. But I could deal.

Until I woke up somewhere around 2:30 in the morning Friday. And I knew. It was just like my mango and poison ivy reaction. The swelling of the lips, the intense dryness. The flaky feeling. The burning and itching. NFW!

I fell back asleep hoping I had been hallucinating but when I woke back up to start the day, I couldn’t deny the facts. And the swelling.

Huge lips.

Geez. That still sounds bad. What I didn’t get was, why now? I’ve had pineapple for years, I even had it during the whole poison ivy debacle. What the hell would make me now have a reaction?

Turns out, there can be confusing things called cross allergies. Just way too much to even try to keep straight. Pineapple can have one with birch pollen.

Considering we hiked over 20 miles of birch forest, I’m pretty sure that mixed with pineapple was the perfect storm for a reaction.

I’m also hoping this goes away soon. My lips have continued to get bigger and the reaction feels more intense. If that’s even possible.

However, I am willing to tough this out for a while. Because we all know me on the ‘roids is pretty f-ing scary and I’m sure you or Brother and definitely The BF does not want me to go ‘roid rage on their ass again.

In other news, I am attempting to settle back in here. Always strange to leave and return home. Even when you just go 500 miles away. Brother and I both agree that 500 miles is well worth it to feel like we’re Thoreau off in the woods with secret {non-alcoholic} Hemingway meetings.

I might be a big city girl, but at the heart of me is also this: deep birch, pine and aspen forest. Places where I feel like I’m the only one around for hundreds of miles. Where I can just go and be; disconnect, in every sense of the word.

I need that, too. Yet both feed my soul.