This whole bride-to-be business? SO not me. SO not into it. Any of it.

It all leaves me thinking, questioning and doubting that:

1. I’m doing it wrong.

2. I’m not excited.

3. I’m doing it wrong.

I know this is not the case. That I’m just simply not the norm. I’m the .1% of brides who doesn’t give a shit and doesn’t buy into this billion dollar industry.

Yet. I find I still continue to question myself, asking The BF and Maman, is something wrong with me? I think something is definitely wrong with me!

When posing questions, I rarely wait for an answer before launching into my own rhetorical answer. I’m sure that’s why no one in my family rarely answers my questions, since they’re much more statements.

I guess this just goes to show how strong our societal norms are. That I’m left thinking I’m the weird one when asked today, you didn’t register for your everyday china and your fine china?

For the record, that really was the question Kim asked me. Kim was fab, she really was and oh so helpful. Poor thing, I about shocked her when I said our wedding was in four weeks — she thought I said four months.

Then I found myself having to give a very lengthy explanation about why we didn’t have the go-to recommended 100 items they suggest couples register for.

At least I caught myself in the midst of that rant and pulled it together by saying, quite frankly, I don’t care about amassing large quantites of things I will never ever use and I have china coming at me from every angle as is.

Not like I use it, but when you have TC as a father and then grandparents who were major antique collectors … I think it’s safe to say there are enough dishes, rather rare ones at that, for me and my five future non existent daughters of mine to use.

And then! The things I did want! I couldn’t even register for. WHY are so many kitchenware items done in massive sets? I don’t need 13 pots. I just want one small sauce pan. For the love of Jesus, is that really too much to be asking?

So then the only option is a $59.99 Cuisinart. The woman in kitchenware was horrified when I said, I could buy this for $20 at TJ Maxx, this is ridiculous.

It got to the point where I just plain didn’t want to register and was on the verge of losing it. I wanted to take that register gun and shoot everything in sight and watch it as it blew up into a thousand smithereens. That would have brought me great satisfaction.

The BF helped centered me back and I left it to him, minus the $500 Dyson. Can anybody tell me if they really are that good of a vacuum cleaner? It was more fun to point the gun at the barcode than the thought of actually having and using it.

Here’s the thing, People. For those of you wondering, well why the hell did you even bother registering then? I feel like I have to. Because as TC and Maman told me, People are going to want to get us something. They need to have something to get.

They weren’t really digging my, can’t I just tell them an Ikea gift card. And I get it. I mean, I can’t just straight up ask for cash, this registering feels more an obligatory thing to do so I don’t feel like a big a-hole and People have options.

Like the panini grill. I thought that was pretty darn cool myself. That’s what I’m most excited about. So yeah, I do hope someone buys us that.

I guess I just can’t seem to take any of it seriously. It all strikes me as extremely humorous. And the fact that there were quite a few couples taking it so seriously … well, I just wanted to laugh. That is, when I wasn’t wanting to blow everything up.

I’m not the typical bride and I need to make peace with that. All this crap doesn’t mean a damn thing to me. It all seems so superfluous.

What does matter is The BF; My People. The few that will actually be there with us as we start our lives together as man and wife.