I have felt on the verge of losing it since I got home a little after 9.

This is what happens to me when my entire afternoon is dominated by TC — who demanded that I go wedding attire shopping with him. Nevermind that I told him to get his act together a couple weeks ago, because I would be too busy this weekend getting ready to leave, etc etc. Nevermind also that I invited him with The BF and I last weekend when we went shopping for his nuptial ensemble.

But, no. TC said he’d handle it himself and he didn’t want to go and blah blah blah, stop bugging me about it, I most certainly will not ask you to come with me.

And I was actually delusional enough to have believed him at the time. HA! I should have known better.

So my entire afternoon into evening revolved around TC. It was successful, but exhausting. I found myself about to scream and/or cry. I wasn’t sure which and why and what was what.

19 deep breaths later, I knew I needed to walk Murph, get the energy out, calm down and then come here. This, too, is a form of therapy for me. I feel clearer after I write, no matter how small or insignificant or heart messagey love from The Universe that it is.

It’s challenging for me when I have so much to do and get in order and things I want to do for me without having my family put their agendas ahead of my own. It’s okay though — I make it through — just hard for me to balance it all out in my head and on paper.

I immediately felt better the second Murphy and I started hauling through the ‘hood. It’s the brain balancing at its finest.

And maybe Nicki Minaj’s Moment 4 Life that came on my Pandora station. I’ve already mentioned it somewhere on here {really do need to organize the blog better — something to think about post wedding}, that I played that song very frequently two summers ago when Maman and I did the driving tour in Tellement Enorme through the Haute Loire into Southern France.

Whenever I hear it, similarly to Maroon 5’s Payphone, I’m back in that car. Fields of lavender passing me by. Windows down. My hair blowing every direction. Maman gripping the door handle.

These are the alive moments for me, the electric moments of life when all is just right as it should be and the world is painfully beautiful in technicolor. Where I cannot imagine anything better, no greater joy than the joy of just existing.

My heart about jumped out of its chest, as I was singing along to one with the sunset I have become alive, I wish that I could have this moment for life and I looked up to be greeted by a hanging bright orange crescent moon in the sky.

These simple moments are the moments for life.