Okay, People. I am feeling it.

Suddenly I’m really really feeling this pregnancy. This feeling it just hit me right on the 26 week mark, so I suppose I should be giving thanks unto The Universe. Millions of thanks — that I made it this far this long.

Of course I’m silently thinking, wtf can’t I make it 40 weeks without feeling it? Because I actually was beginning to think I could … ha! To think I could escape the nature of life growing inside of me. I like to be delusional at times.

Last night, I was so damn tired that I can’t even remember falling asleep. I know it happened instantaneously and that I didn’t even have the strength to reach out and turn my night stand light off. I slept well in the sense that the 11 times I woke up, I was able to fall back asleep. But getting comfortable was hard.

I officially can’t gross my legs to tie my shoes. Bending down is out of the question. And the first stranger ever today asked me, are you hiding a baby under that coat?

Why yes, I am.

I don’t think it helped matters that TC and I hit up Ikea for baby ideas and more random shit that both of us don’t need but think is very time critical to have. Tell me again how Ikea does that to me?

The second I stepped into the children’s section, I was assaulted by children. Children running wildly around, playing games, fighting, loud laughing and god awful shrieking. Along with way too many cranky babies that wanted nothing to do with the place. I could identify.

At one point, TC stopped and just stared at me. He opened his mouth to say something but instead, shut it promptly and all I heard was a, hmmm MMMMMM, and a head nod, towards a pretty terrifying baby meltdown and a poor mother that seemed at her wits end.

Sweet Baby Jesus. Is this what I have to look forward to? Is this my future?

I mean, it is in a way, isn’t it? No one has a perfectly well behaved, happy go lucky child 24/7, do they? If they do, can you please tell me about them immediately so I have some hope? I’d appreciate that.

I didn’t know whether I should laugh or cry at the sight of all these experiences. It just made me feel more confused and unsure and that whole, Universe you’ve got to be kidding that I AM going to be a MOTHER? ME?!?!??!?! WHY? HOW?!

Let’s not answer the how. No one needs to be traumatized. Though full disclosure here, I’m still not sure how it happened because if it’s one thing this Taurus is on, it’s safety in all measures on all fronts.

Finding out I was preg was one of the {many} signs that made me think, this little old soul was not going to be denied, I suppose someone actually does want me as their mom. Still shocks me, but, more a question for FOH post arrival.

So I’m still confused about this whole becoming a Mother and Motherhood in general and I already think that all Mothers must have some secret they’re not sharing.

Let me add in addition to confused: insecure and scared.

I don’t have the luxury of asking myself, can I do it? Do I want to?. Those are pointless questions. Baby FOH is coming, way too fast for my personal liking and so it’s not a question of can I but of how I’m going to.

Guru tells me I’m waaaaaay over thinking all of this. He laughs at me and waves his hand and shuts me up mid sentence and tells me, all you have to do is have fun with it. Who cares if you don’t get it right at first or ever? No one gets it right every time as a Parent. But having fun, you can get right and that’s what your baby will remember.

Is Parenting that simple? Just … having fun? I had never considered in that light before. But he’s right in the sense that I do want to have fun, I want it to be enjoyable … so maybe …

Have fun? And love my baby. And that’s all I need?