“It is when we are trapped in incessant streams of compulsive thinking that the universe really disintegrates for us, and we lose the ability to sense the interconnectedness of all that exists.”

How dead on this quote from Tolle is. For me, personally. I don’t know about you, but here’s the thing about my mind once it gets going — a monstrous downward spiral where I am typically months, if not years ahead of myself. Thoroughly consumed in panic mode about all these things that I either don’t know how they’ll happen or how they’ll possibly work out.

The Yogis say that with one blink, a thousand thoughts. I believe it, ya’ll.

My work on staying present is showing me The Truth of what Tolle speaks about, and many other great Teachers of our times : all is now. If we can just deal with now, we are okay.

We stay connected then. We’re with the stream, not against it. The challenge that arises with me is this: sometimes life, real life, has to be dealt with now that also involves not now.

It’d be foolish of me to not do a damn thing about Baby FOH’s upcoming arrival — no hospital preregistration, no insurance verification, no preparing. This might be the perfect route for someone else to take, but not for me — that only adds unnecessary stress.

This is the crossroads where I become at odds with myself : dealing with now meets the future. What I’m trying to do is handle these things as they arise as calmly and centeredly as possible. Having FOH’s details lined up and ready to go doesn’t mean I also have to start panicking about college funds and all sorts of other funds because … omfg, damn if a kid isn’t expensive!

But see, I’m already way ahead of myself.

I can be a pro disintegrator. When I find myself in that space, it can be hard to disengage, all the while knowing it is my own mind, my own doing, creating my own warped reality of something that is years off.

I’d much rather be within the realm of the interconnectedness of all that exists.