The entire day wearing my Lululemon shirt inside out, complete with a stain on it. And dried spit up in my hair.

The stain part is still bothering me. How? When? Where? How?

These are the sorts of things that pre-child, you catch. These are also the exact same sorts of things that pre-child, you cannot understand someone not catching. Because it’s just so obvious, right?

Yeah … about that. Not so much.

Maybe that’s because pre-child I cared way more than I do now. Now is all about efficiency. It’s thinking, what is the cheapest outfit I can buy that makes my ass look smaller and my legs longer AND I’m comfortable in it without looking like I rolled out of bed comfortable.

I’m still counting these days as a huge success though. That I’ve got to be doing something right to not notice dried, caked on spit up in half my hair and inside out shirt stains.

I take this all as meaning I am a Good Mother. I must be so busy and so consumed with advancing my child’s motor skills and doing all sorts of other miraculous Mother things.

That’s what I tell myself.

Kinda like this morning, as I was getting FOH ready for his doctor’s appointment and decided that a Good Mother is one who dresses her 11 week old baby in a collared shirt and puts shoes on his feet.

I felt like somehow this sold me {read: to everyone else. read: to perfect strangers} as a Good Mother, as most definitely in the running for the Mother of the Year Award.

Because as you know, Good Mothers have time to put shoes on a newborn’s feet.

Possibly one of my stupidest ideas. Ever.

I take that back — the collared shirt comes in first place for that. So this morning I realized a couple things, People.

1. Baby clothes that are basically toned down version of adult clothes from Janie + Jack are a total waste on me. FOH was extremely uncomfortable and all that collar did was provide something for him to try to chew and suck on. That meant that less than 30 minutes on him and it needed to be washed.

2. Expensive Made In Italy leather shoes size 0-6 months are a complete waste of money. For starters, you won’t be putting any shoes on within the first five weeks. If anything is going to go on newborn itty bitty feet, it’ll be socks and that’s only in cold weather. Secondly, I happen to have an 11 week baby that is quickly blowing through six months clothes, which means his feet are, too. The shoes no longer even fit. I’m contemplating a no shoe buying rule until he’s a year.

3. I have Mother insecurities. Dressing FOH up was my way to try to silently shout out to the world at large that I’m just such a Good Mother. It didn’t work.

Giving voice to my mama-ing insecurity is good for me, People. Now that I’ve said it, I can feel it ever so slightly starting to lift, its power diminishing.

Parenting is possibly one of the hardest areas for me to be hit with insecurities. I’m so exposed as a parent. I can’t hide from it. It’s always there. On display.

I know the best thing to do is silence my inner voice of doubt. Stop trying to use high end baby clothes as armor and just … be me. The stuff isn’t going to help. It never does.

Me being centered and me, however, will.

I’m thinking a stained, inside out onesie for his next appointment. That should be about right.