I’m well aware that the concept of time is nothing new when it comes to Motherhood and children.

I am positive there isn’t one mother on the face of this Earth {maybe even Universe} that hasn’t thought to herself, shit! HOW to manage and get everything done and in that I need to and/or want to?

People, I am struggling. With this time thing, big time. I know I have to let some things go. Oh, how well I know and am continuing to learn this, but it doesn’t make it easier on me.

I still want to think I can do exactly what I was doing pre baby. While I come close, like yoga everyday, I have to cut massive corners. It’s 20 minutes of yoga. Not 40 or 50 or an hour. It’s being hyper organized so I’m not wasting time searching for shit at the last minute, even though somehow, that still always happens.

Today is a perfect example of my use of time. We were supposed to go to the zoo. Because a Good Mother, she goes to the zoo, right? Especially when they’re having a Halloween themed zoo-bration. I had such pure intentions of going. Really, I did.

I even tried to get myself pumped up about it and thought maybe I’d dress FOH in his Halloween costume.

Except then Friday happened. And I almost had three breakdowns during the day, which never happens to me and by the time I picked FOH up and made it home, we both crashed. I put him on the boob and the second he fell asleep, I did, too.

It was 6p.m. yesterday and I was in bed. I’m chalking that up to an all time new high, by the way. Not low.

So when I got to thinking about this Zoo business, it suddenly seemed like a very very very bad idea. Maybe The Worst Idea Ever. Because it meant that I was going to have to actually get up in the morning, get FOH AND myself ready, make sure I had a nursing pillow and also pack milk and the pump and three changes of clothes and all the other shit you need, and it was just. TOO MUCH.

Even knowing The BF was coming along, too much. My heart started to pound and I could feel myself wavering on that edge of breakdown number four, and I called it.

At least I knew to call it. I told The BF I couldn’t deal with the zoo and I needed a day. Like an ENTIRE day to me.

I didn’t get an entire day, but it came close. Sleeping in late and the evening all to me.

I’m realizing that I need to ask for this me-time on a regular basis. And just accept the fact that I can’t do it all, nor do I really want to.