Holidays are so damn exhausting to me.
I am not one who thrives on go go go, do do do and cramming in back to back to back family visits.
The older I become, the more I realize and am trying to honor my introverted nature. I crave silence. Calm. Less, rather than more, always appeals to me.
I have been in a complete daze these last two weeks.
I think partly this is due to schedule interruption. Partly output — holidays require a lot of energy output.
My family has been in town, as has The BF’s, which has made juggling FOH family visits challenging. I want to make sure everyone gets their baby fix.
When it comes to these family gatherings, a part of me tends to shut down. Really, despite my deep love for all my family, I want to hide from them. I want to get in bed and wake up and have it be the next day.
Is that strange?
But of course that’s not an option, so I put on my lipstick and give it my best show.
Except now that I have a real, living, breathing baby, I keep crashing the second I get a second. Or the second I sneak off to feed FOH.
He falls asleep, I fall asleep. I am now in awe of any nursing mama who can stay awake while feeding her baby. I’m kinda suspicious that any mama is actually able to do this, but I suspect there are a few out there. I’m keeping the possibilities slightly opened on this front.
People, I straight up am sleeping if I’m not moving.
Maybe it’s still part of breastfeeding. I’m not sure. I just know I am feeling slammed. And simultaneously dreading and looking forward to Monday.
And dying to get my hands on this place and put some order to this shit storm stat. Piles of boxes and gift bags and wrapping paper. Piles of clothes too small for FOH that need to go back stashed in random closets.
But really, I just want to sleep.
Forget Holidaze — I’m still in a babydaze. One that many a fellow mama has assured me will go away. But I’m doubtful. I still can’t see my way out of these baby days. Nor my boobs, which are a constant reminder that when it comes down to it, I’m nothing more than a walking, talking food machine.
What a thought.