First off: who out there — and please, do tell, if this is you — knew that Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Won’t Back Down was turned into a Christian rock song?

I for one had no clue. Not even half a clue.

And no, I don’t mean Tom Petty has gone all Christian on us, I mean other bands are covering his song(s?) as Christian rock.

I’m sure some of you are just dying to know how it is I even came to find out this newsworthy info.

And that brings me to my second point: radio stations.

Specifically, radio stations that you love listening to. You know, those ones that you’ve had programmed on your car stereo for forever and suddenly, one unsuspecting morning, you go to turn it on only to be hit with Christian Rock. Or some other genre that is so wrongly out of place.

Why?

Because your radio station is gone. Just like that. Poof. No longer exists. Without so much as a respectable goodbye.

How does this happen?! Really, I do want to know this. It’s something I’ve wondered about since 6th grade when Mix 107.3 suddenly was no longer Mix 107.3 and instead was some jazz station.

Jazz? Come on now.

But I’ve got to say, I’d have been much better prepared for jazz than Christian Rock.

I’m so not a fan. And how Tom Petty has suddenly become associated with the man upstairs is beyond me.

I wasn’t surprised to discover all of this while at the Chiro today. That’s not a Mexican restaurant, that’s my abbrev for Chiropractor.

Clearly my chiro is all about God. Honestly, it gets a little distracting when you’re attempting to be adjusted and re-aligned. I’ll always catch some lyric right when he says “breathe in” that makes me want to say “but just listen to how hilarious this sounds!” — I really wanted to say this when I kept hearing someone crooning out:

“Jesus, oh Jesus baby, just take it. Take it real good.”

Puts Jesus in a whole new light, doesn’t it?

As does listening to Won’t Back Down. It just screams: I’ve been saved! How did I never see this before? I guess that’s what happens when mainstream songs go all God.

Leave it to the Christians to take something good and fine like Tom Petty and turn it to Jesus.

Look. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to bash on the Christians. Or anyone.

It might be my very scarring church experiences from childhood. Those ones where I was told I was going to go to hell.

Which, who the hell in their right mind tells a child that? You can’t get any more holy and godly than that.

Or it just might be that I find those who call themselves “Christians” to be very un-Christian-like.

There seems to be an incredibly strong double standard that runs amok. And I’m not cool with double standards.

I know, I know, you don’t have to remind me — I was just saying how I’m trying to be accepting and let everyone be.

What can I say, other than: I’m an ongoing work in progress. I try. I really do.

It reminds me of the time I was home during Christmas break in college. I visited my closest and oldest childhood friend.

She asked me to accompany her to church. We hadn’t seen each other in a long time, so of course, I said yes.

One of the church discussions turned to rap. I should have kept my mouth shut, but, I was on a big Jay Z kick at the time. Shout out for Can I Get A?***{see below}

They were appalled and soon asked if I had been baptized. Um and what does baptizing have anything to do with rap?

What, like that was going to save my soul?

I’d love to get those Christians in a room again, particularly those super far right ones, and play some hardcore rap.

Slap my bitch up type stuff. Yes, all those finer lyrical rhymes.

I wonder what they’d have to say about it?

My guess is, especially from all the outrage that currently exists with rap and “inappropriate for children under age 17” albums, that they might take just a wee bit of offense to it.

Might want to say how horrible it is. How harmful to society and children it is.

Well. Then. What’s so great about Christian Rock? Why can’t I, or anyone else, find that music to be the one that’s so reprehensible?

Can’t we all just get along? Why does one group have to declare anything wrong with anyone else?

See. I need to take my own good advice.

And tell Tom Petty he’s looking a little rough.

Tom, plastic surgery is never the answer. Especially for a rocker.

***I can rap the entire Can I Get A and changed the lyrics for Tri Delt during rush one year. Jigga, what?!