No, I did not come up with this myself. Sad but true.

Shocker, right?

I couldn’t help but flatter Cosmo in such a nice way. Hey, imitation is the best form of flattery.

I found myself making a late night CVS run for my nephew. Late night being 9 p.m.

Amazing how quickly you adjust to baby time. Typically late night coming from me means anything after midnight. Not so when you’re suddenly plus two under five.

I was on the prowl for baby Benadryl. I know there really isn’t such a thing. Children’s Benadryl being the only option.

Of course I couldn’t find it. I was certain it had to be literally right in front of me … antihistamines, children’s tylenol … where was this stuff?

I briefly thought about getting some sleep aids. After all, that is what Benadryl is. Or, on the flip side, that’s all a sleep aid is. How surprised are you by that?

It’s all about that Diphenhydramine. Oh, yeah.

See, next time you need Benadryl, forget the $10 you’d spend on the real stuff, when you can get a knock off version of Simply Sleep for $1.99.

Now if only they made sleep aids in liquid form.

I’m not one for wandering aimlessly around, trying to find something. I have no patience for that. It’s merely more wasting of time in my mind.

I went straight to the pharmacist. Who, as we walked literally three feet from where I had been looking, began asking me way too many questions.

First was age and I felt like a terrible aunt when I had to pause (who has to pause to literally count in their head?) to figure out how many months.

I was feeling proud of myself, but that was glossed over much too quickly by an interruption of: OKAY, under 24 months. Then came weight. That one I didn’t need to think about. Then came the: and what does your pediatrician have to say about this?

Pedia-what?

Me? Oh, I’m not the mother. I’m the aunt.

I wanted to throw “cool” in there, but I figured that was self evident.

Mr. Pharmacist then showed me Exhibit A and announced that it wasn’t for children ages four and under.

Come on. Does that even matter?

Hence the pediatrician question.

Whatever. I purchased and got out of there.

But not before Cosmo caught my eye at the register.

My va-jay-jay wants to tell me something? I’ve got to admit, it was catchy enough that I almost bought it.

I said almost.

Now a thoughtful, introspective Taurus like myself can’t let something like that just go … at least not without giving it much thought and speculation.

Va-jay-jays talking. Good lordy. The things that they’d say.

I’m kind of afraid.

I did say. Kind of.