Still done, People.

The tank is empty. I have nothing to give today.

I think Paris will be just the thing to recharge me. I guess I underestimated how much of a toll yesterday was going to have on me.

I woke up today at 11. I’ve been slow going since. Many things to do, yet none happening. I’m still trying to recover.

It’s always the emotional crap that’s the hardest, isn’t it.

I think what it is, People … up till yesterday, Gpa was still here to me. He was still all mine. But now he’s with a couple hundred other People and I have to share him. Which, actually, is kinda cool … a piece of him spread out amongst many of us. We should all hope for that much!

And the house, oh the house, it’s soon to be gone and the reality of it has now truly sunk in. He is gone. Life continues. One day, no one will remember the Mayer’s house on the corner.

The circle and the cycle.

For the first time, today, I cried for him. And while I know it’s okay, that he is only gone in the physical sense, and he will forever surround me in the non physical … sometimes, I just want, even for two minutes, the physical. One more hug. One more laugh.

And it comes back to faith, my faith, of having to trust wholeheartedly in something I can’t really see, but feel is there. When all I want is to be able to see.

Maybe I’m just not looking in the right way?

Love you, Old Soldier.