The fact is: I don’t particularly like to share when I’m not feeling so great.

This is one part Law Of Attraction and one part not wanting to sound like a whiny complainer. Alright, and let me add in another part – I don’t want to bring anyone else down with the ship.

Because right now I’m feeling like the GD Santa Maria rolling around in some rough waters whose barely able to stay afloat. For the record, I also feel like I look as wide as the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria combined. Line those babies up. There I am.

But I figure, if I’m going to have a public blog that people read who I don’t even know {love you all by the way, and I will be forever mystified that you actually read what I write and come back for more – wow!} and be all out there and living my truth and the other bullshit lines that I say, then I better own up and get more comfortable with sharing the not so great. By the way — I truly do mean the whole living my truth, I’m just allowing my emotions of frustration get the best of me. And because, sometimes, it feels good to say bullshit fuck asshole. Any of those in any order.

It’s easy to be here when everything is just so fab and I’m so GD happy I can barely contain my own damn joy, it’s another to show my ass up when I’m highly annoyed at myself and feeling like death warmed over with a blanket of negativity covering me.

I’m in a mood. I’m sure that’s obvs. I will refer to this “mood” as ‘roid rage.

Roid Rage is scary. Notice the double  “R” capitalization. Yeah. We’re talking serious shit, People. Serious. Roid Rage makes you want to f-ing RAGE against everyone for no good reason.

Like today, today … I raged against Brother. Why you ask? Because he went to Kroger and didn’t tell me. Hold up slow up. Stop traffic. I know. Ridiculously laughable. Over Kroger! Over the GD grocery store.

You don’t even want to know the mental rage assaults I carried out while I forced myself to walk Murphy. Things like people who don’t cut their grass and driving and trash and … Jesus, no stone was left unturned by me. I feel so guilty right now. Like I might have actually caused physical harm from all my mentalness.

And by the way, I truly do believe in the power of positivity and love and goodness and all the other fluffiness I like to write about and apply to my life. They are me and I am them. But like any of us, I get down sometimes, too. And I feel like I’m being pushed to the limits with this stupid mother f-ing poison ivy.

I have another outbreak of it. Hence, the Roid Rage. Did I mention yet that this is on my lips? Hello. Could this be any more humiliating and uncomfortable?! It’s kinda on my chin, too. Alright, not kinda. It is.

It could be a lot worse. Waaaaaay worse. I should be thankful that I just look like I’m 16 with a bad breakout. But I’m not. I’m f-ing pissed. I am so angry. See. It’s all part of Roid Rage.

I’m sure the ‘roids are the main culprit of me feeling angry {side effect of Prednisone!} and completely off my game. That pisses me off further. It’s like a horrific cycle of rage and chronic fatigue. I want to sleep and sleep and not move. Which is incredibly annoying for someone who spends two hours a day working out.

So I do yoga anyway. Because I know I need to move body, mind and energy. Except that pisses me off, too. I’m all breathing through the anger to turn it into inspiration and I feel like I want to smash all six windows in the room at once. Is that even possible?

But still. I know … more long, deep breathing. Do less. I should just give in to the rest. Listen to my body. Stop moving. Healing healing healing.

Trying to think healing thoughts.

Any of you out there with poison ivy cures? Ones that don’t involve ‘roids? Because I’m not sure I can last too much longer without Murphy snuggled up next to me. More guilt. Poor little Murph.

I’m just hoping to go to bed and wake up and all will be magically better. Ever have one of those days? Where you almost can’t wait for the day to be over so you can start fresh tomorrow?

That’s me right now. Send the good juju. I need it. Again. The Roids and I both thank you.