And I’ve been awake for maybe a total of one hour today.

Welcome to pregnancy, People.

Yesterday I spent a total of seven waking hours out and about in the world. I woke up at 11, attempted to go thrifting, and was back in bed by 12:30, to wake at 4, only to be asleep again by 9:30.

I really need to figure out how to get paid while sleeping.

So now I’m all, omfg it’s almost 2p.m. and I have to go do some damn Krogering and STILL workout and clean! To hell with cleaning. Who needs cleaning when growing a human?

That’s correct — it’s taken me getting knocked up, a default by exhaustion to not clean. I’ll take it. Too many things just seem utterly unimportant. Wash my floors that will look exactly the same post wash? No, thanks. Bed sounds like a much better idea.

But the working out thing. We know girlfriend here ain’t ever eva eva gonna skip out on that shit, despite how much I want to. This is mainly because I have ordered only yoga preggo books and they say things like, if you walk four miles everyday up until you give birth you will be so damn conditioned that baby will just glide on out of you and then it will take you approximately one week to look normal again.

These are the kinds of promises that have me holding out hope. Okay, so it doesn’t say those exact words, but close enough. I know, four miles IS a lot, right!

But I’m doing it every damn day, plus the yoga. Bring it on, baby. Labor, ha. Just kidding. I don’t even remotely laugh at the mere thought of labor. I’m still in denial about that. Don’t say the “L” word to me.