I woke up this morning and thought I was going to go a-wall.

I can’t stand the smell of breakfast foods at the moment. I was not happy to awake to strong smells of eggs and god knows what other {suddenly-found} disgusting things that were permeating every single living space.

When the smell of your own hair wakes you up, that’s when you know it’s bad.

And I just wanted to lose my shit. I wanted to take every pair of shoes and throw them at the windows and start hearing things break. I don’t know why the sound of shit breaking when I’m pissed is so satisfying, it just is.

Of course, I knew this was all completely irrational, which set me off further. Because sometimes, when you’re raging, you want The Rage to be justified. FYI – this is particularly true when preg.

So I left. As quickly as I could. At least I’m smart enough to know when to leave and not open my mouth.

A walk with Brother and B made me feel a little better. I’d say a lot, but we walked by Gpa’s and I lost it. I gathered myself as quickly as I could, but it just felt too much in my already current emotional state … Gpa’s house, no longer ours to share in.

It looked exactly the same and completely different. Foreign now. Off limits.

I had that pang in my heart, that yearning, where I just wanted to go back. Even for a few minutes and walk through the front door and see him sitting in front of the fire place.

I know he’s still here with me, but sometimes, that’s not good enough.

The circle and the cycle. I hope to be saying this soon about birth.