I seem to have selective writing when recounting about the day to day thrilling happenings of my life.

You were gripped by Ikea and triplets yesterday, right? All three seconds it took you to read? Yeah, I also have a thing where I typically don’t spend more than twenty minutes at a time on here and I never proof read a damn thing, hence grammar and any oversight in spelling errors.

I hear Taurus’ are supposed to be unnaturally patient, but I’m not sure what Taurus this is. Not me. There’s always plenty I have and want to say but that isn’t mutually exclusive to translating into the written word.

How I forgot to tell you about my classic omfg I just want to melt away in to the floor right this second moment at Ikea and how TC left me and we couldn’t find each other for over 30 minutes, is beyond me.

But it happened. All because of this.

I love maps. I realllyyyy love big huuuuge maps that are going to be able to cover four gaping holes in our office walls and chipped paint. Aren’t those the best kind?

TC hated it and thought I should use some fancy old antique map of Paris. Ironically, he’s never ever mentioned that he possesses said map {he kinda likes to hoard antique objects d’arts}.

I ignored him, and insisted he simply did not feel my vision. Off I went to collect map. Off TC claimed he went to kitchenwares. I should know better by now than to believe him. He has a wandering problem.

Let this serve as a reminder — never agree to split up and meet your party elsewhere at a given time. Chances that that actually happens at Ikea are about 1 in 1,000,000,000,000.7.

I was under delusional hope, because I knew it wouldn’t take me long to get the map and meet up with him. TC just can’t be trusted to be alone though. I still don’t understand where he was and what he was doing and how I possibly could have missed him. Or how he possibly could have missed me. Because that map is packaged in one loooooong box — anyone could have seen me coming from multiple floor arrows away.

It was the dangerous kind of box that sticks out about a foot after your cart but you’re like me so you think, I totally got this. Until the front end of that damn map ever so gently — keep in mind gentle here — bumps into a vase. Where there is immediately a chain reaction and that vase then falls into the next and the next and next and so on.

That’s right. I didn’t break just one vase. I broke an entire row. And there was no getting out of it. No quick running off {is that really bad of me that I consider my options?}, no looking around to see who saw because of course everyone saw because they heard the clanking and breaking.

I was mortified. I’ve never broken anything in a store. Ever. I credit this carefulness to Maman and TC, who dragged me antiquing with them for years and I was warned before every store we entered that, you better not touch a damn thing and God forbid you do touch something and it breaks, you won’t see your allowance for a year and forget taking you to McDonald’s.

It wasn’t the allowance part that got me, it was the threat of no McD’s. Worked like a charm.

I sheepishly turned around, looking for an employee, and was further mortified that two were staring at me. Damn, more witnesses. I apologized profusely and offered to pay for the vases.

I could tell the one employee completely agreed that I should pay but her co-worker saved me by saying, ma’am, happens all the time. Don’t worry about it.

I got the evil eye from employee #1 and instead of first extending my thanks, had the stupid thought to say outloud, I’m sorry but do I really look old enough to be called ma’am? Maybe MISS?

Hey, I get Mademoiselle all the time in France. Can’t I get it here?

After offering my onslaught of apologies and thank yous, I walked off, quite carefully mind you, thinking how far apologies and thank you’s go.

Maybe that’s all we’re looking for most of the time — a little recognition, awareness and remorse. I like to believe that none of us set out to be a-holes to each other or do a-holey things. Sometimes they just happen, even by the most well intentioned of People.

Thank you and I’m sorry. When in doubt, you can’t go wrong with those two.