I had strange dream after strange dream last night.

Strange dreams usually disturb me somewhat, as though I wake up with the remnants of them hanging over me. Dream hangover, if you will.

I keep hoping, asking and praying for a dream with Baby FOH. I had them prior to this damn ultrasound. I don’t need to remind you about that, do I? The one where my inner guidance was completely stomped all over and is still trying to recover.

I’m going on four weeks now since that fateful day and it still stings {the guidance thing, not The Babe}. And I am pretty damn sure I have a mental block now on FOH. Which is driving me somewhat insane. I mean … I am the mother! Shouldn’t I be able to have a read on my child?

I should, yes?

Of course I should, so I kinda feel like a bad mom. Unbonded with my baby at the moment. And, I still don’t feel FOH all that much. I’m feeling the movements a little more each week, but not by much. Somedays more so than others. My doctor said this is normal for me but it might help me feel a little … closer, perhaps?

Maman is having a hard time getting a read on this babe, too. As is Brother. The BF … I think he just tries to stay out of it. Meaning: I probably have been annoying the shit out of him.

I guess, if I’m being honest, what bothers me is that I thought and fully expected myself to be much more attuned and tuned in. I consider myself to have a decently strong Universe connection to The People. So where the hell is it with FOH?!

Really, I know this is me blocking me, in some way and I keep fighting against the block. So how do I give in? There is something important here, in this giving in.

Resist not, yet how not to resist?!