When I started What You Be, I promised myself one thing and one thing only — no bullshit.

This would be the space where I could be free to be me — uncensored.

This is not to say there are times when I find myself mindful of what I say — because there are, because this is my life to share and not The BF’s story to tell, or anyone else in my circle.

With that said, I am struggling.

I continue to feel better physically, but I am not in the emotional space I am used to.

I’m not feeling negative or angry. It’s more an engulfing emptiness that has my heart physically hurting.

I am trying my best to sit with this pain and discomfort. If I had Xanax, I’d have taken at least three by now. I get it. I totally get it.

Instead I have my breath.

And the sun is shining — brightly and our mud room feels warm and safe.

And the red bud trees are budding. That perfectly gorgeous purple color of theirs that continues to fascinate me.

And I have FoH. Beautiful FoH, lighting up every single millisecond with his joy.

So, see, People. So much to be thankful for, so much filling my soul.

Still.