I touched ever so briefly on control the other day. Meaning: not near enough.

Really, People. I am not a control freak. Really, I’m not. Promise. I admit, I am a lot of things, but that’s just not one of them. That’s what I have TC around for.

However. Discover you’re el preggo. Even the most laid back of you will find yourself on the roller coaster of no controlville so damn fast, you won’t even know you ever got on the damn ride in the first place.

It’s not pleasant. It’s the most terrifying thing I’ve experienced, hands down.

I have no control. NONE, People. Things that I typically can control, like my body. Forget it. A living, breathing, peeing human has taken over. So much for that. And yes I said peeing … as in The Babe is already peeing! I could hardly handle that bit of info myself. Think of how I feel.

Then. There’s the whole aspect of The Unknown. I have no clue what will happen with this baby. Because, the thing is, People … this little being is coming here with their own Destiny, their Plan. That I’m merely a vehicle for. It doesn’t matter what I think, because it’s not about me anymore.

Inevitably, my mind wanders to unspeakable horrors. What if living a shorter life is just part of The Plan? I have no choice but to accept that and do my damnedest to protect and nurture and love.

I have no control over who my child will be, their likes and dislikes. For all I know, yoga could be one of their most hated things. Ever. And I’ll have to be all Zen-like about it.

I have to surrender here. Except I don’t know how to. Because it seems like some deep parental instinct to want to be able to do something to give some sort of guarantee, though I am well aware that there are no guarantees. Earth can be kinda intimidating like that.

I keep hearing, trust, over and over in my head. And I just want to say to hell with trust. It’s too scary right now. Which is okay. I have another six months to get there. The sooner the better, ideally.

I’m going to start with small, baby steps. Appropriate, right?

This Babe hasn’t even come close to arriving and already I’m being taught exactly what I need to remember. I have no doubt, this one is going to be the best Teacher I’ve ever had.